It would be an understatement to say that my late dog Tomo was complicated, and a “ tough nut to crack”. Please take careful note of that last sentence, as understatements don’t last very long around here. I am guessing that they are crowded out by the more burly, endomorphic, hyperbole that seem seem to characterize the Parkinson’s Wake brand
I am polishing up the final draft of Tough Love? Or Tough To Love? Our Dog Tomo and The Gifts Of Imperfection. In the meantime I will leave you to peruse two items I found under her mattress. I have included just a few of the highlights from the PrePUPtial agreement she forged my signature on. While much of if may not have been implemented - the content of the agreement does speak volumes of the keen canine mind I was pitted against for 12 years
Balance to come this weekend.
TOMO’s forged PrePUPtial Agreement
- Owner agrees to never employ the services of an “overlapper dog a type of mercenary puppy (often a therapy dog school drop-out used to cover the gaps between family pets.
- Owner will refer to the dog as a “puppy” till the bitter end thus providing the widest possible lattiude to explain away poor behaviour
- Canine agrees that his THERRA-puppy services are considered an “essential service that cannot be withheld. To do so would be considered a felony punishable by a weekend with his cousin, the overlapper .
- Under most conditions, owner is permitted to wear the pack leader hat but agrees that while in the presence of any other dogs will give up said hat to puppy, reverting to a more truthful depiction of his role a spineless, panderiong Caesar Milan imposter
- Owner will be responsible for providing (2) duvets to sleep on (min.500 thread count) agreeing to “poof it up” daily just prior to bedtime.While dog agrees that a certain amount childish “doggie babble is owner inevitable, owner agrees to keep it to the absolute minimum.
- Canine agrees that commands will be delivered in one of the two official household languages: English, and Japanese. Puppy shall be responsible for any related ESL expenses
- Dog agrees to meet his owner at the door With a wagging tail and a slobbering kiss - without fail - unless she has shit on the floor, in which case she will hide on the second floor landing, aka “Tomo’s Landing, peeking around the corner with a look on her face like she did something like shit on the floor.